It's weird to write my first public journal.

Usually, I don't talk about my health-related issues with anybody. I feel ashamed to talk about my mental health problems.

The question is, why am I so scared to share it?

I am listening few reasons I came up with:

• Bad experience with other people
• feeling like I am unable to do so many things (due to internalised ableism)

Now I know a few reasons why. But how can I improve my mental health?

After so many years of struggling with my mental health, it isn't easy to improve it. I need to change so many things in my life to improve my mental health.

The first thing I did was to move to a different city to study electrical engineering. After one semester, I felt like I was studying the wrong subject. I always ignored my love for physics, and now I regret it. Next semester I am going to change my subject to physics. This is one thing which is important to me.

Nevertheless, I don't regret studying electrical engineering for two semesters. I am currently taking one course, which can help me find a part-time job. In addition to it, I have gained some great experience. Next month, I am travelling with other electrical engineering students to visit some companies.

I hope that I can improve my mental health during the next few months. Studying with a bad mental health condition is not great. I failed some courses and had to stop going to lectures. I wish I could go to lectures like everyone else. I am sure that I will do it in the future!

Aside from my daily mental health struggles, I went to a different country for a day, because I heard in that country's stores they sell strawberry-flavoured soy milk. I am so glad that I found it today. I am looking forward to drinking it and maybe sharing it with some friends.

Lesson for Day 1:

• Never forget what you love
• You can't run away from your deepest desire. It will always come back.
• Mistakes can be worth it.

We can do this together!